Entry 1 - It’s Ok If You Don’t Call Me Aries.
If anything, I prefer that you don’t. I made that cute little title when I first decided to start this blog and was dead set on it being completely anonymous. I thought being anonymous would give me the confidence to share my work without fear. I wanted to be able to post things without the idea of people judging it looming over my head. After about 20 more minutes of thought, I realized that it ultimately wasn't a good idea. Mainly because of the threat of my intellectual property being stolen.
The whole being anonymous thing was also counterproductive to the goal of starting a blog. In order to build confidence you have to put yourself out there and be transparent. Transparency is always something I’ve struggled with as a born and bred-perfectionist. I hardly read my own writing, let alone let anyone else read it as well. My biggest fault is that at my core, I’m a hater. What people don’t know about haterism is that it doesn’t just apply to other people, but it projects onto yourself. Nothing I write no matter how much time and work I put into it will ever satisfy me. The thought of people reading my work, and reinforcing my fears was enough to hold me back from sharing it. Some of my favorite things I’ve ever written have only been read by myself and a random assortment of admissions committees. Even now, as I’m writing this blog post that’s supposed to be casual and fun, I feel anxious at the thought of someone else reading it.
Over the summer post-high school graduation and pre-first semester of college, I found myself thinking a lot about what my goals really were with writing. If I wanted to make this a career, people would have to read my writing eventually. Is that not the whole point? To open yourself up to the world and allow them to see how you think and create. To share something with them that will inspire them to share themselves? After a long and hot summer of thought and deliberation, I woke up a week before moving to another state and decided it was time to get serious. If I wanted to pursue this as a career, If I wanted to be able to call myself a “Writer” I needed to learn how to be open with readers for my own sake. I needed to find a way to break out of my comfort zone that was still fun and not too daunting. In classic me fashion, the most unserious way I could think of being serious was starting a blog.
So now here I am, writing for my blog where I command my readers to call me “Aries.” I decided not to change the header of the website after I dropped the anonymous act because I like the confidence anonymous me has. She has zest and gall, and she’s a little bit cringy. But in the internet age, the first step in building confidence is (unfortunately) being a little bit cringy. The name Aries came from my zodiac sign, which claims I’m supposed to be fiery, passionate, and confident. (I can’t comment on how much of my actual personality reflects that, as I avoid perceiving myself as much as possible.)The name is also derived from the name of a character in a Sci-Fi short story I wrote for my senior year creative writing class. In the story (which maybe one day I’ll revise and publish) Aries lives on her own planet thousands of light years from earth, where spends her days gardening, baking, and enjoying her solitude. The idea is that when I post on the blog I’m on my own little private planet, in the sense that I’m comfortable enough to be the best version of myself without the threat of anyone watching. Except (hopefully) people are watching and reading not because they hate me and want to watch me fail but because they care, and they want to see me succeed :)
